MOTIVATION AND HONESTY

Motivation...
It's a funny thing, isn't it?  It comes from many places, yet sometimes seems to hide all together.  

Back in 2007, I was at a bodybuilding show with a co-worker supporting a mutual friend who was competing that day.  As we sat there watching the parade of hard bodies on the stage, I commented that I had often thought about getting into bodybuilding and that being there at the show was making me think it was time. 

Her response?  "Do you think now is the really the best time, with your kids being so young, and Bill's job being so crazy?"

What I heard her say..."You can't do it."  What that meant to me...GAME ON!!!!

6 months later, I began to prep for my first show, and that was the beginning of a 2 year quest to earn my pro card.  6 shows later, I had accomplished just that.

What should have been 2 years of solid growth, then turned into basically a really long off-season. Trouble is, in bodybuilding, there isn't an off-season.  You're either growing (muscles, not fat thank you very much;-) or you're cutting.  For 2 years I really did neither.  Oh, there were attempts to get ready for shows - all "epic fails" as my son would say.  What I was lacking was the motivation to follow through.  I had lost my spark.  

Then my husband found out that he was getting deployed.  And the date of my expiring pro card loomed in the very near future.  It was ALMOST  a perfect storm of motivation.  I started talking with some people close to me about competing.  And about Bill going away.  And do you know what most of them said?  "Do you really want to put yourself through that while your husband's gone?"

Do you know what I heard?  Yes, I heard "you can't"...it was definitely GO TIME!!!  I had found my spark.

I still have people asking me if this is the best time for me to be prepping for a show.  My answer is always quick...Yes, there couldn't be a better time.  Life is insane in this household - even when Bill is home.  But with him gone, the stress of keeping up with everything alone is CRAZY!!!  Prepping for a show gives me something to focus on.  It's my constant right now.  And it makes me take time for myself, away from the kids, which is good for me AND them.  Plus, the truth of the matter is that if I wasn't contest prepping, my tendency would be to eat and drink wine and wallow in my sorrows.  So I have no doubt that I would have put on weight since Bill left.  And let's face it, no one wants to be fatter when their husband comes home from deployment!! (and there's your first dose of honesty for the day)

Bill has been on active duty for 20 weeks.  With the exception of a few weeks, we have not seen him, he has not been home.  I have been on the contest prep diet for 13 1/2 weeks.  Seems like a long time, on both counts - but in a way, we're just getting started.  Bill actually just left the country last week, and is probably looking at being gone for at least another 23 weeks, so we are only half-way through missing him.  

As for contest prep, I have 6 1/2 weeks to go.  In some ways, they are the easiest weeks to get through.  You start to see the body that is going to emerge on stage, you know you are close to the goal, you can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel.  BUT, as the body gets leaner, it gets harder to lose the fat.  The diet gets skimpier, the workouts get fatter.  This morning was a "talking to myself out-loud argument" to get my a** up out of the bed for cardio.  But, then there was this little thing called motivation.  And you wanna know where it came from today?  Reminding myself, for all 20 minutes of HIIT training, that my husband is in a much crappier place right now than inside the walls of a gym.  Yes, the very thing that weighs heavily on my mind for most of the day, was actually my source of motivation this morning.  

Now, for your second dose of honesty...
I get asked daily how I'm doing.  How's the training?  How's the diet? How's the hip?  Have you heard from Bill?  I love the interest and concern, and about 75% of the time, I enjoy sharing the journey with people.  But 100% of the time, when I answer, I am trying very hard to sugar-coat what I am saying.  You know, put a humorous spin on things, take the focus off the crappy stuff.  Some days, it's easier than others.  Today, just making the effort to answer had me in tears moments before having to teach a class.  You see, the truth is, today, it sucks.  All of it.  The diet and workouts I can live with because I chose this goal.  Missing my training partner, my best friend, my rock?  Well, I live with that too, because I fell in love with a Marine.  But it doesn't make it suck any less.  

Now, it may seem like I've gotten off-topic, but I don't think so.  A client of mine said something to me last week that really stuck with me:  "No matter how you feel or what you are going through, you are still responsible for your actions."  
At the time, we were talking about teenagers and hormones and needing to be held accountable regardless.  But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how much this quote applies to adults every day.  How many times have you skipped a workout because you were having a bad day?  In a bad mood?  Didn't have the energy?  IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW YOU FEEL, YOU STILL NEED TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR CHOICES!!  And I've never, not ever, left the gym after a workout thinking, "man, I feel so much worse now".  So, yes, it's a perfect time for me to be in contest prep mode...and every day is a perfect day for you take a step closer to your goals.  So find your motivation, wherever you can - and get back to it!!

The Training Underground

So you won't see any "check-ins" at the gym from me this week.  My training has become much like covert ops.  Sneaking around to different gyms at odd times so that I'm not seen by anyone who knows me.  Why, you ask?  2 reasons...embarrassment, and the misconceptions of the public.  Let me explain...

Thursday night I re-aggravated my injury while lifting at the Y.  After trying to limp around, and then becoming unable to put weight on my leg, it became clear that I wasn't going to be able to get out of the Y on my own.  As staff there, I know that only means one thing...going out in an ambulance.  If only my husband had been in town.  I would have had no problem laying on the weight room floor waiting for him to come carry me out of there.  Leaving the gym in an ambulance is embarrassing enough when you don't work there...being staff makes it 10 times worse.  So, I'm not looking forward to walking back in there and facing the funny looks, and having to tell the story over and over again.  I got hurt.  It happens to the best of us.  Let's move on.

As for misconceptions, I think everyone from my mother to my trainers thinks that I am crazy and over-doing it.  The last thing I want to do is set a bad example for my clients and class participants, so I really need to clear this one up.  I have NOT done anything that my doctor's have not said it was ok to do!!!!  In other words, if they told me to stop doing something, I have.  It's why I haven't worked abs in a month - even though it's killing me not to!!!  Every time I have been told to limit or eliminate a movement, I have.  And when it has been time to add it back in, I have done so cautiously.  I just happen to be dealing with a very tricky injury, with ever-changing symptoms.

Thursday night did seem to be the breaking point, and I was told 2 things that I didn't want to hear...
1. You need to take the next few days off.  "off?" I said.  Yes, off.  Completely.  No workouts.  Period.
2. You need to back off your level and intensity of activity and gradually get back into this.

OK, number one was really hard to swallow.  Friday was easy, I was in no shape to work out, the pain was still too intense.  Saturday wasn't so bad either, I spent a lot of it in the car, and I went to a posing workshop, so I at least felt productive that day.  Sunday, however, was the killer.  I set my alarm with every intention of getting up and doing my cardio.  I planned out my meals in my head to make sure I could get a lift before the gym closed.  Then I got out of bed, and my leg was screaming at me.  Apparently, my body has a better time following directions than my head does.  I took Sunday off as well.  It wasn't easy.  and today I feel like a lazy bag of ****, but I'm not in pain this morning.  Maybe there is a trade-off here.

So number 2 was a little easier to hear, but will prove difficult to deal with in the long run.  With less than 9 weeks til show time, I don't have much wiggle room, so the training must keep rolling.  My training schedule is 3 days of one cardio and one lift, with 2 cardio sessions on day 4, then repeat.  And repeat.  And repeat.  The classes that I teach have nothing to do with my training schedule and don't count towards any of those 14 workouts per week.  It doesn't matter if I teach my normal 4 or if I'm subbing a lot and end up teaching 10, I still have to hit those other workouts to keep moving towards my goal.  When I teach, it is also more difficult for me to pull back on or monitor my intensity - because I am there to give the class a good workout and that's where my focus is.  Training on my own gives me much more control over intensity and speed of movement.  So, for the next week, you won't see me teaching classes.  My body needs that extra time to recover and needs a break from the extra stress and pounding.  Plus, my mom said to slow down, and you can't ignore mom right?

And, just so people don't get the wrong idea, you probably won't see me lifting or doing my cardio either - because I'll be sneaking around to do it!!  NOT because I'm not listening to my doctors, but because I don't want to give people the wrong impression and accidentally become a bad example.

It is important to listen to your body.  I am, even if it doesn't appear that way.  While I am MIA the next week, know that I am thinking about all of you, and hoping that you are training just as hard as ever.  I'm hoping that when I resurface, I will be back stronger than ever.  In the meantime, pay no mind to that person in the corner dressed all in black with their cap pulled down low!!

Injuries, vacations and other Challenges

So, as someone pointed out to me, it's been a long time since I've posted.  And part of the reason was vacation: planning for it, packing for it, taking it, and trying to recover from it.  Another big part of it was that my recent hip injury made it very uncomfortable to sit - so I've been avoiding anything that requires being at the desk!
But probably the biggest reason of all was that my thoughts have been all over the place....which, of course, is a great reason to just post more often...I'll work on that!

The training:  Things have been going as smoothly as can be expected, all things considered.  I have been limited on squats, deadlifts and core training thanks to an SI joint sprain, a hip flexor strain, and all the related aches, pains and muscle spasms that have gone along with those 2 injuries.  I get asked a lot around the gym, "but what are you doing here?  shouldn't you be resting?"  And the reality is that movement feels much better than rest...sitting and sleeping have been the worst of it!  So, I've had to swallow my pride, cut waaayyy back on my squat and deadlift weight and continue to kill it in the gym.
There was also the matter of vacation to deal with...I was away from home for a total of 11 days.  As a trainer, one of the number one causes I see of people falling off their routines in the summer is vacation...and I always say, "but whyyyyyy?!?!?!"  You don't have to abandon your fitness goals just because you are not at home or near "your gym".  In my case, I did my homework.  I knew where the closest gyms would be to both of the places that I was staying.  I knew what hours they were open, what their guest policies were, and had my workouts planned BEFORE I left home.  But if your goals are simpler...just to maintain fitness or stay in a routine...use what you have around you.  Stairs, sand, benches, a local park, or pack a resistance band or some light dumbbells.  If you plan ahead, you can succeed!

Speaking of vacation....how do most of you eat when you're away?  Don't answer that...I already know.  Here's the thing about contest prep dieting...there IS NO vacation! There is no way of knowing who else is going to share the stage with you and how they are going to look.  All you can do is look your absolute best. Which means 100% on, all the time.  Again, it comes down to planning ahead.  I won't go into the details here - but I will share that I ate one meal out of a baggy in my purse, while my family enjoyed burgers, fries and milkshakes!

So I made it through vacation without missing a workout.  I suffered through my workouts despite being injured - and yet the thing that was stressing me out the most was that I wasn't sleeping.  At all.  No really, for 2 weeks,  I couldn't sleep thanks to the pain from my injury!  And you start to worry.  "If I don't sleep, I can't lose fat."  "If I don't sleep my muscles can't grow"  "If I'm not sleeping, my lifts will suffer." "I can't get on the treadmill at 5 if I'm still wide awake at 3:30!"  But I kept repeating the words my husband always says to me..."Just stay on the diet and you'll be fine".  And you know what, he was right.  I'm finally sleeping again - and I'm happy to say that things still look like they are on track.  (although I send my weight and pictures to my trainers tomorrow - so we'll see what they have to say about it;-)

So, now I am almost half way there.  10 weeks down, 10 to go, and I've lost 24 pounds.  The difference in my body is really starting to show, and I am coming to realize that the weight I am sitting at RIGHT NOW is the weight I'd like to maintain during my next non-competitive season...but that's another goal, and a whole different blog!!  Because, while the compliments on my body are rolling in daily - I'm still only about half-way to where I need to be to show my best physique on stage.  The first few weeks of this were really tough because the weight just didn't seem to be coming off - but I know that it's going to get a lot harder as that show date approaches!  BUT, at this point, you almost go on auto-pilot with the diet and training, because there are other things to focus on...suits, posing, music, posing, tanning, posing, registration, posing, hotel, posing.  Have I mentioned that I need to start working on my posing?!?!?!  Yes, posing practice is another whole element of your training and helps to improve your conditioning and your presence on stage.  You can have the best physique up there, but if you don't know how to show it, and make it look effortless while you're doing it, then it doesn't matter!  So that will have to get added into my weekly routine.

AND - I ordered my suits this week.  Do me a favor ladies...the next time you look at a swimsuit price tag in horror, look up bodybuilding or figure posing suits, take notice of how much LESS material is involved, and then take note of the price tags...you'll feel better about your last swimsuit purchase, I PROMISE!!!

Well, I think I've ranted long enough for one night.  I promise I won't stay gone so long this time!  And I'll leave you with a parting thought:

Your obstacles are what you make of them.  You can decide to let them slow you down or even hold you back, or you can decide that you are up to the challenge and keep plugging along until you find a way around them, over them, or under them if necessary.  Victory is even sweeter, when you know you have fought for it!

Yes, I walked to Acme for a watermelon!

So, the situation was this:
We were going to the beach for the day, and the kids wanted watermelon, but I didn't have any.  I also needed to get 50 minutes of steady state cardio - but if I waited until the gym opened to get that done, we wouldn't be heading to the beach til almost noon.
Sooooo, realizing that there's about a mile and a half uphill climb to get from here to the acme, I decided I would walk there to buy the watermelon and walk back.  The challenge on the way of course, was walking up hill the entire time.  And on the way back, well, I had this watermelon to carry!  It actually took an hour and 8 minutes, not including the time spent in the store - but it took care of both issues!!

And yes, I did it again today.  No, I didn't walk to get another watermelon!  I'll probably never do THAT again - the walk home really wasn't fun.  Today, the dilemma was needing to drop a car off for service, but also needing to get a HIIT workout in what was already a jam-packed day.  So, naturally, I dropped the car off, then ran sprints all the way home.  Both problems solved!

What's my point?  Many people use these types of scenarios as the perfect excuse to skip a workout.  But for me, and my current goals, skipping the workout is NOT an option.  So I get practical and a little creative about it - and get it all done!  You can too!  but you have to step away from the computer first ;-)

Everything is Relative!

So, while at the gym yesterday, one of the guys that I haven't seen in a while says to me, "I'd still love to have those legs of yours."
It's funny, I get this comment from men a lot.  I usually reply with something along the lines of, "you can have 'em", because I guarantee after one day of trying to find a pair of jeans that fit right, they'd be begging me to take them back!
Anyway, it made me stop and remind myself about how everything really is relative.  I go into the gym every day - and most days of the year I am trying to grow my shoulders and shrink my legs so I look like my upper and lower bodies actually belong to the same person when I hit the pool/beach in my bathing suit.
But on any given day, there are people working out trying to get bigger, get faster, get leaner, get stronger, lower cholesterol, lose weight, fight diabetes.  It's all relative.  So stop comparing yourself to others.  Get in the gym, and get focused on YOUR goals.

Now, back to me and my 140 day journey...15 days gone already!  Yay!  Scale is moving in the right direction, and aside from being hungry almost all day every day, I feel GREAT!  When I didn't lose any weight last week, I did have more calories taken away from me - which was really rough for the first 3 days, but then it got easier to deal with.  It's funny, because in the last week, I've had lots of situations where I could have chosen to stray from the plan...temptation all around me, if you will...but I've not had the interest at all.  People always act like they feel sorry for me "not being able to eat anything fun", but you know what - this is my sport. I have chosen it.  I am living it.  And while there are times when depriving myself from all my "favorite foods" is tough - for the most part, when I am in contest-prep mode, I feel my healthiest.  There is something to be said for eating clean 24/7 for months on end!  So, don't feel sorry for me.  I'll be rocking my bikini again soon and it'll all be worth it!

Want a peak at my week:
Day 1 - a High intensity interval training (HIIT) and a lift
Day 2 - just a lift (it's leg day - that takes a lot out of you - so I get more carbs too!)
Day 3 - steady state carido and lift
Day 4 - steady state cardio AND HIIT

then repeat...over and over and over and over...yep, that's right, no rest days!

Challenges, Obstacles and the choices we make

Week one is in the bank.  The first 2 days were probably the most challenging.  Day 1 was spent almost entirely on soccer and softball fields - so planning, prepping and packing were key.
Day 2 was a little more challenging - 10 hours of it were spent inside a concert venue where I was not allowed to take my own food, had to pay $5.00 a bottle for water, and had no clean food options for purchase.  These are the moments when your decisions make or break your progress - and tell the tale of how badly you want it. It would have  been easy to just say, "well, one afternoon of eating whatever won't hurt me".  And in reality, it probably wouldn't have - but it's never "just one afternoon".  So, planning to eat on a schedule that allowed me to eat a meal while walking into the concert venue, I ate all of my solid meals prior to the event, smuggled my protein powder in by measuring it into snack size baggies and shoving them in the bottom of my purse, and then I sucked it up and spent $5.00 a bottle to have my shakes!  (besides - you'd spend that much on a beer without thinking twice, right?).
Anyway, it's tough to say that at the end of week one, I am starting to feel hungry before it's time to eat again, but my weight hasn't budged.  Not at all.  Nope, not an ounce.  Waiting for word from the trainers to see if we stay the course and wait it out, or make changes now.
The workout schedule: Day one is back/chest, Day two is legs, Day three is shoulders and arms, Day 4 is cardio only, and then I repeat!  No rest day.  1800 calories per day - 2000 on leg day!

Time to eat my pre-lift meal.  Happy Memorial Day everyone - and remember to throw some chicken on the grill - there may be someone at your BBQ that's trying to eat clean;-)

Today was day 1.  Day 1 can be both the easiest and the hardest.  You are reminded all day long, as you fight off the cravings and resist the temptation to "pick" at food you shouldn't that you are entering the world of deprivation yet again.  It's also an easy day - because your motivation is fresh, the rules are clear, you still get plenty of calories, and you aren't hungry yet!  However, what becomes abundantly clear on day 1 (if most of it is spent at outdoor sporting events) is that if you can't suck it up and use a port-a-potty, this ain't the sport for you!  They just can't be avoided when you're downing 2 gallons of fluid in a day!
139 days to go!