MOTIVATION AND HONESTY

Motivation...
It's a funny thing, isn't it?  It comes from many places, yet sometimes seems to hide all together.  

Back in 2007, I was at a bodybuilding show with a co-worker supporting a mutual friend who was competing that day.  As we sat there watching the parade of hard bodies on the stage, I commented that I had often thought about getting into bodybuilding and that being there at the show was making me think it was time. 

Her response?  "Do you think now is the really the best time, with your kids being so young, and Bill's job being so crazy?"

What I heard her say..."You can't do it."  What that meant to me...GAME ON!!!!

6 months later, I began to prep for my first show, and that was the beginning of a 2 year quest to earn my pro card.  6 shows later, I had accomplished just that.

What should have been 2 years of solid growth, then turned into basically a really long off-season. Trouble is, in bodybuilding, there isn't an off-season.  You're either growing (muscles, not fat thank you very much;-) or you're cutting.  For 2 years I really did neither.  Oh, there were attempts to get ready for shows - all "epic fails" as my son would say.  What I was lacking was the motivation to follow through.  I had lost my spark.  

Then my husband found out that he was getting deployed.  And the date of my expiring pro card loomed in the very near future.  It was ALMOST  a perfect storm of motivation.  I started talking with some people close to me about competing.  And about Bill going away.  And do you know what most of them said?  "Do you really want to put yourself through that while your husband's gone?"

Do you know what I heard?  Yes, I heard "you can't"...it was definitely GO TIME!!!  I had found my spark.

I still have people asking me if this is the best time for me to be prepping for a show.  My answer is always quick...Yes, there couldn't be a better time.  Life is insane in this household - even when Bill is home.  But with him gone, the stress of keeping up with everything alone is CRAZY!!!  Prepping for a show gives me something to focus on.  It's my constant right now.  And it makes me take time for myself, away from the kids, which is good for me AND them.  Plus, the truth of the matter is that if I wasn't contest prepping, my tendency would be to eat and drink wine and wallow in my sorrows.  So I have no doubt that I would have put on weight since Bill left.  And let's face it, no one wants to be fatter when their husband comes home from deployment!! (and there's your first dose of honesty for the day)

Bill has been on active duty for 20 weeks.  With the exception of a few weeks, we have not seen him, he has not been home.  I have been on the contest prep diet for 13 1/2 weeks.  Seems like a long time, on both counts - but in a way, we're just getting started.  Bill actually just left the country last week, and is probably looking at being gone for at least another 23 weeks, so we are only half-way through missing him.  

As for contest prep, I have 6 1/2 weeks to go.  In some ways, they are the easiest weeks to get through.  You start to see the body that is going to emerge on stage, you know you are close to the goal, you can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel.  BUT, as the body gets leaner, it gets harder to lose the fat.  The diet gets skimpier, the workouts get fatter.  This morning was a "talking to myself out-loud argument" to get my a** up out of the bed for cardio.  But, then there was this little thing called motivation.  And you wanna know where it came from today?  Reminding myself, for all 20 minutes of HIIT training, that my husband is in a much crappier place right now than inside the walls of a gym.  Yes, the very thing that weighs heavily on my mind for most of the day, was actually my source of motivation this morning.  

Now, for your second dose of honesty...
I get asked daily how I'm doing.  How's the training?  How's the diet? How's the hip?  Have you heard from Bill?  I love the interest and concern, and about 75% of the time, I enjoy sharing the journey with people.  But 100% of the time, when I answer, I am trying very hard to sugar-coat what I am saying.  You know, put a humorous spin on things, take the focus off the crappy stuff.  Some days, it's easier than others.  Today, just making the effort to answer had me in tears moments before having to teach a class.  You see, the truth is, today, it sucks.  All of it.  The diet and workouts I can live with because I chose this goal.  Missing my training partner, my best friend, my rock?  Well, I live with that too, because I fell in love with a Marine.  But it doesn't make it suck any less.  

Now, it may seem like I've gotten off-topic, but I don't think so.  A client of mine said something to me last week that really stuck with me:  "No matter how you feel or what you are going through, you are still responsible for your actions."  
At the time, we were talking about teenagers and hormones and needing to be held accountable regardless.  But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how much this quote applies to adults every day.  How many times have you skipped a workout because you were having a bad day?  In a bad mood?  Didn't have the energy?  IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW YOU FEEL, YOU STILL NEED TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR CHOICES!!  And I've never, not ever, left the gym after a workout thinking, "man, I feel so much worse now".  So, yes, it's a perfect time for me to be in contest prep mode...and every day is a perfect day for you take a step closer to your goals.  So find your motivation, wherever you can - and get back to it!!

The Training Underground

So you won't see any "check-ins" at the gym from me this week.  My training has become much like covert ops.  Sneaking around to different gyms at odd times so that I'm not seen by anyone who knows me.  Why, you ask?  2 reasons...embarrassment, and the misconceptions of the public.  Let me explain...

Thursday night I re-aggravated my injury while lifting at the Y.  After trying to limp around, and then becoming unable to put weight on my leg, it became clear that I wasn't going to be able to get out of the Y on my own.  As staff there, I know that only means one thing...going out in an ambulance.  If only my husband had been in town.  I would have had no problem laying on the weight room floor waiting for him to come carry me out of there.  Leaving the gym in an ambulance is embarrassing enough when you don't work there...being staff makes it 10 times worse.  So, I'm not looking forward to walking back in there and facing the funny looks, and having to tell the story over and over again.  I got hurt.  It happens to the best of us.  Let's move on.

As for misconceptions, I think everyone from my mother to my trainers thinks that I am crazy and over-doing it.  The last thing I want to do is set a bad example for my clients and class participants, so I really need to clear this one up.  I have NOT done anything that my doctor's have not said it was ok to do!!!!  In other words, if they told me to stop doing something, I have.  It's why I haven't worked abs in a month - even though it's killing me not to!!!  Every time I have been told to limit or eliminate a movement, I have.  And when it has been time to add it back in, I have done so cautiously.  I just happen to be dealing with a very tricky injury, with ever-changing symptoms.

Thursday night did seem to be the breaking point, and I was told 2 things that I didn't want to hear...
1. You need to take the next few days off.  "off?" I said.  Yes, off.  Completely.  No workouts.  Period.
2. You need to back off your level and intensity of activity and gradually get back into this.

OK, number one was really hard to swallow.  Friday was easy, I was in no shape to work out, the pain was still too intense.  Saturday wasn't so bad either, I spent a lot of it in the car, and I went to a posing workshop, so I at least felt productive that day.  Sunday, however, was the killer.  I set my alarm with every intention of getting up and doing my cardio.  I planned out my meals in my head to make sure I could get a lift before the gym closed.  Then I got out of bed, and my leg was screaming at me.  Apparently, my body has a better time following directions than my head does.  I took Sunday off as well.  It wasn't easy.  and today I feel like a lazy bag of ****, but I'm not in pain this morning.  Maybe there is a trade-off here.

So number 2 was a little easier to hear, but will prove difficult to deal with in the long run.  With less than 9 weeks til show time, I don't have much wiggle room, so the training must keep rolling.  My training schedule is 3 days of one cardio and one lift, with 2 cardio sessions on day 4, then repeat.  And repeat.  And repeat.  The classes that I teach have nothing to do with my training schedule and don't count towards any of those 14 workouts per week.  It doesn't matter if I teach my normal 4 or if I'm subbing a lot and end up teaching 10, I still have to hit those other workouts to keep moving towards my goal.  When I teach, it is also more difficult for me to pull back on or monitor my intensity - because I am there to give the class a good workout and that's where my focus is.  Training on my own gives me much more control over intensity and speed of movement.  So, for the next week, you won't see me teaching classes.  My body needs that extra time to recover and needs a break from the extra stress and pounding.  Plus, my mom said to slow down, and you can't ignore mom right?

And, just so people don't get the wrong idea, you probably won't see me lifting or doing my cardio either - because I'll be sneaking around to do it!!  NOT because I'm not listening to my doctors, but because I don't want to give people the wrong impression and accidentally become a bad example.

It is important to listen to your body.  I am, even if it doesn't appear that way.  While I am MIA the next week, know that I am thinking about all of you, and hoping that you are training just as hard as ever.  I'm hoping that when I resurface, I will be back stronger than ever.  In the meantime, pay no mind to that person in the corner dressed all in black with their cap pulled down low!!