So, 122 days ago I started the journey back to the competitive bodybuilding stage. My official start weight was 210 pounds. Although between the time I actually decided to compete and the time I started on the diet plan, I may have put on a few extra "unreported" pounds;-)
This before picture caused tears in my household, and even a little argument between me and my husband. I actually contemplated not competing just to get out of having to send this picture to my new trainers. I was mortified that I had put on so much weight. I didn't even recognize the person in this picture! BUT, it came down to realizing that if I didn't pick a show date, things were likely to get worse before they got better (With Bill leaving, I was sure I would not handle the stress well without food or wine). So I sent the pictures and swore that NO ONE else would see them!
Now that I have seen results, I am more comfortable about posting it here. I think it's important to see what goals can do for you. If you really decide that you want something, no matter how unattainable it seems, you can accomplish it with the right motivation and a little help. Or a lot of help. But I'll get to that later!
I can't really call this next picture "after" because we're not there yet! But, we are getting there. Current weight is 173 pounds. Just 4 pounds heavier than the day I earned my pro card. I have 18 days left to burn off as much more fat as I can. And before you say it...yes, there is fat left to get rid of ;-) I need to be lighter than I have ever been on stage before - because while I am likely carrying more muscle mass after 3 years of continuing to lift heavy - now that I am competing at the pro level, I need to be leaner.
Unfortunately, during these last few weeks, it becomes difficult for those around me to understand why I'm still trying to lose. I look ridiculous in my clothes - they are all super baggy and just hanging off of me. Most of the time I walk around looking like I'm sort of in a daze - and I am - it's the result of months of calorie restriction, and 2 workouts a day, 7 days per week. I could hit the beach in my bikini and feel like I'm totally rockin' it - especially with my 4 kids in tow;-) HOWEVER, the sport of bodybuilding is about developing all of the muscles in the body, and then showing them off. The only way for the judges to see if you have developed your musculature evenly and with good symmetry is if you shed as much fat away as you possibly can. Basically, you are trying to become a walking anatomy lesson before you get up on stage. The last few weeks are NOT healthy. My weight the day of the show shouldn't be sustainable for long (if I'm as lean as I should be), and it is not a body type that anyone should be striving to achieve just to go on vacation and look good in their swimsuit. But it is what is necessary for the sport.
I have several people close to me who get concerned at the end that I'm getting "too skinny" or they ask if what I'm doing is "healthy"? But let's look at marathon running for a moment instead. I know several marathoners (or longer distance runners). They suffer from dead toe nails that turn black and fall off. They battle hazardous health conditions like dehydration and heat stress/exhaustion, and they continue to train with common runner's injuries so that they don't fall too far off their training plan. Are these things healthy? Probably not any more so than what I'm doing. It is the nature of sport and competition. It is, ultimately, about pushing yourself beyond your own self-imposed limits. The feeling of success or failure rarely comes from a medal or a trophy, or even where you placed - but instead, success is about completing the journey that you chose for yourself. Reaching the goal. Knowing that you pushed harder than you thought you could. And then looking forward, and picking the next goal.
While I can't say for sure what the next goal for me will be - I know there will be one. Right now, my sights are set on October 6th. You may think it gets harder at the end as more calories get taken away and more cardio gets added in - but the opposite is true. I'm no longer counting weeks or months - but days. I'm down to days! 18 of them. That's it. And that's nothing!! I'd be lying if I said I wasn't completely obsessed with food and all of the things that I think I'll want to eat when I get off that stage. But at this point, I've come too far to not move full steam ahead. And things will change more frequently now as we start to tweak things so that I can try to look my best on stage - that keeps it exciting.
Thanks for following - and to many of you, thanks for your support. I'll post again soon - maybe when my suits come in later this week...yay! But in the meantime, think about your goals. Do you have one? Are you working towards it? Need a little push? Pull out your "before" picture - that may help ;-)
